Five months old! He is getting so big! Last week he went to the doctor. He was 18 pounds 1 ounce (82nd percentile) and 27 inches (93rd percentile). He now wears 6-9 month sized clothes. Some days I really do think I feed him miracle grow. It’s crazy that my body is sustaining an entire person. More and more I see him as this little person. I watch him roll to his side to be more comfortable to sleep, smile when he sees me, and fuss because he wants a toy and I know he is becoming more and more of his own person.
This month he was rapidly learning everything there was to know. He found his feet, enjoys standing (with assistance), crunches to try to sit up, babbles frequently, and perfected rolling from all directions. He is not really a fan of being on his back anymore and instead attends to sit up or fussed until he can be propped up. He can’t sit unassisted yet, but he is very close. He loves to be in the center of whatever is going on. He likes books. He enjoys balls. He is drooling a ton and naws on tethers.
His sleep has been changing. Since he has outgrown his bassinet, I’ve been struggling to find something that works well for everyone at night. He was not a huge fan of the pack and play, so we were all getting much less sleep. He was in the bed a lot and was waking at least every two hours. We have been trying several different ideas of the past few days to see what he likes and what helps him sleep. This initially resulted in less sleep, but yesterday he slept in his crib and had a four hour stretch and a three and a half hour stretch!
We have been enjoying our sign language class and have been practicing our signs frequently. He has not yet signed, but he has made it clear that he understands milk. He also loves watching me sign. He really enjoys the class and watching the other babies. He gets so tired after class.
In the next month, he has his last month with grandpa. We are preparing for the transition to daycare in March. We will continue our sign language class. Swim classes will start in April.
Overall even though he is demanding and exhausting, he is often happy. His smiles and laughs are the best. Here’s to another month of life and more success at keeping him alive!
And a shoutout to my angel babies, Andrew and Ellie, who are not growing and experiencing exciting milestones. I’ve thought a lot lately about how going through my miscarriages has shaped my life. With how difficult Ezekiel can be, I often wonder if I “missed out” on the easy baby. That maybe in another realm where Andrew lived that the first several months wouldn’t have been so hard and complicated. Maybe he would have been a sleeper. Maybe not. I wish I knew.
I’ve also thought a lot about my relationship with viewing other people’s pregnancies. There definitely isn’t the same kind of pain, but there is not the same kind of joy. I can feel happy for others better than when I was struggling, but there is a feeling of loss still. I watch people with multiple children and I sometimes wish my life was different. I know that we had made the best decision for us, but it makes me grief the life I wanted before having multiple losses.
Andrew and Ellie, I will always wonder who you would have been.